When Pleasure Takes a Powder
I lost pleasure of late.
For several weeks, it feels like the life force has been drained out of me.
There are two things I’ve learned: Don’t resist what is (feel the mud). And don’t get stuck there.
This is new levels of “yes… and” learning for me. Yes, the world is all kinds of heavy. Yes, my body is going through some insane things. Yes, my heart is having a hard time remembering joy.
AND… under that is still access to deeper levels of peace, healing, and joy. Along side all that is the ability to cultivate my inner state even stronger, no. matter. what.
In the bath the other night, I started writing about pleasure. I didn’t intend to write, but it just started flowing. Maybe it was pleasure’s way of knocking at my door again, reminding me she didn’t go away forever. Here is what she reminded me:
Some people would say a life lived in pursuit of pleasure is hedonistic and selfish.
But I want to distinguish between two kinds of pleasure.
One is the itchy craving to fill a gap or numb a wound.
The other is cultivating an expansive blast of life force that moves through you and ripples out of you.
The first kind of pleasure, for example, is being in constant pursuit of relationships and attention that distract and temporarily sate attention-seeking, or letting others into our bodies without discrimination, clarity, or mutual reverence. We tell ourselves, “I’m empowered and very sexual.” Trust me, I am in support of sacred sex, but this is not it. This is you distracting yourself from your interior pain or playing out low self-worth and calling it something else.
The first kind of pleasure is that drink you have almost every evening, saying, “I just really like my wine to relax.” But, if forced to give up the habit, you would squirm a little (or a lot). Again, I am not against pleasurable food or ever having alcohol, but in all likelihood that alcohol is numbing your life force and you are simply trying to soothe something that aches.
Don’t read anything puritan into these examples. I am in support of being good to your body, being kind and gentle and nurturing to it, and allowing it to feel really, really good. We don’t do enough of that in this world. We push and hustle and stare at screens and read work books on treadmills and push past pain and work through our periods and don’t give long, tight hugs and forget to put our feet in the sand and never pause to look up and breathe in the sky. True ease, true rest, true nurturing, and true pleasure are vitally important. They expand, not constrict.
The second kind of pleasure is saying “fuck it” to a school system or a work world that says you are only productive and successful if you work hard a certain number of hours every day.
True pleasure is when you stop counting calories and restricting yourself with lists of what is “good” and “bad” to eat and instead truly connect with and listen to your body—what it says it needs and wants, and when, how it feels before, during, and after you put *anything* in it. Instead, you let its subtle, refined (but oh-so-clear) messages guide what feels good and life-supporting.
True pleasure is getting back to that child-like place where simple things delight you, where you feel like skipping down the street for no reason and don’t give a shit what people think, where you dance around the house or sing in the bath or marvel at fireworks or squeal at petting an animal.
True pleasure is resting when your body says rest, learning to back off of the “shoulds” and instead listen to the wisdom of your nervous system and your soul.
True pleasure is learning to make space for moving your body with pleasure instead of punishment.
True pleasure is allowing time for spacious rituals that soothe. (I wrote this from my nightly bath, lol.)
True pleasure is cultivating the whispers that are the essence of you, that feel good and satisfying to express, without your logical mind requiring a specific outcome.
True pleasure is following what expands your heart and your energy into a halo of light and sparkles and brings zing to your veins and not giving a damn about any why or how or what-for.
True pleasure is living in an energy of “what if,” of unlimited possibilities, rather than the energy of “can’t."
True pleasure is releasing the shackles and programs and ticked-off boxes about what your life should look like, and instead pursing a life that feels good and right and true to you on the inside.
True pleasure is vibrant life force. Authentic expression. Unadulterated joy. Instead of a life that dulls you down, shackles your energy, and feels like you die a little more inside day by day.
I’m here for a life of pleasure. You?
Image by René Gruau