I Will Never Leave Me: A New Mantra for the People-Pleasers

There is a fundamental fork in the road we all come to at some point, a core truth about self and abandonment:

Will you choose love and acceptance from others, and in doing so, abandon yourself?

Or will you choose yourself?

These forks are hidden everywhere, not just in a yellow wood when you’re feeling poetically brave and bushwhack-y. They are embedded in relationships, friendships, in family dynamics, in job situations.

Before you reach these forks, these are the sign posts that often appear:

“Please like me.”

“Please choose me."

“Please love me.”

“Please don’t be mad at me."

“Please don’t leave me.”

Oh, the self-abandonments that occur on the other side of these.

Never again will I sit in a job interview for a job I don’t want and answer questions with the things I know they want to hear and present a version of myself that is not true so they will hire me.

Never again will I walk past red flags in a relationship without communicating my boundaries or saying, “That’s not ok with me” in order to keep someone still loving me or keep them from leaving me.

Never again will I sit on a date and present the version of me I think people will like.

Never again will I keep my mouth shut in a relationship or friendship when people do or say things that are dysfunctional or harmful in order to keep the peace or to keep from upsetting someone.

Never again will I freeze and swallow my anger when someone harms me.

Never again will I bend over backwards to perform well all the tasks asked of me, terrified of what will happen if I don’t.

Never will I, knowing who I am, why I am here, and what my truest essence is, consciously dim or ignore that with what I wear, what I do, what I write, how I live, or what I choose.

Never will I bend my values to gain acceptance into any group or community.

Never will I do things I don’t want to do or that don’t feel right for me in order to please my family.

Never again will I go along with the group, just to be easy or nice, when my needs or wants are something else.

Never again will I cave to group pressure, just because it’s easier.

Never again will I do things to keep the peace or keep someone else happy when my insides are screaming not to.

Never again will I bite my tongue on my truth for fear of how someone will react.

Never again will I plug my power source into someone else’s power, or my light into someone else’s fair-weather sun.

Never again will I be the nice girl at the cost of my own wellbeing.

Two roads diverge in a yellow wood… and I choose the fork of me.

If that means people get mad, let them be mad.

If that means people leave, let them leave.

If that means people don’t like me, let them not like me.

Me liking me—my authentic expression, my essence, my needs, my desires, my true self—is far, far, FAR more important.

You want true liberation? Sit in this fire.

You want an epic love story? Be your own hero and happy ending.

You want love and acceptance? Surrender the external, to gain the internal.

Make a promise: I will never leave me.

Art by Andrea de Santis