Living Well Favorites: Come to Bed with Me

I have a very serious love affair with my bed.

Getting into bed should feel as exciting and delicious as… other things you do in bed. 

I also believe firmly in bedtime rituals, so much so that I will still do mine even when returning home at an ungodly hour from an evening of tango. You will literally never catch me falling asleep with makeup on, or without, at the very least, a clean face, teeth, and feet. Often my pre-sleep routine includes a bath too — I don’t know why, but I cannot relax into sleep if I feel dirty.

So I’m here with a roundup of bedtime beauties to help make that transition to sleep serene and delightful.

(My other sleeping beauty essentials, dating back to when I was about three, included a well-worn VHS tape of Disney’s Sleeping Beauty, a small wooden toboggan sled I used to sit in in the middle of the living room to watch said VHS, and a stuffed pooh bear who would always accompany me for these viewings.)

Some of this obsession with bedtime ritual stems from the fact that I am a magnificently terrible sleeper. Some people can fall asleep anywhere. Some can fall asleep on planes, trains, and in automobiles. I can do none of these. Doesn’t matter if I arm myself with eye masks and ear plugs and pillows and melatonin — I can’t actually get my body comfortable enough to relax into sleep. Noise of any kind disturbs me falling asleep or staying asleep. The very presence of another person is often deeply problematic to a night of restful slumber. And so by necessity, I have had to arm myself with sleep tools to assist. And here, I happily share them with you.

The Cloud

I now refer to my bed as “the cloud bed.” For years I complained of back pain, shoulder pain, and body aches upon waking up. (A massage therapist once delicately pointed out that my somewhat bony body does little to support the alignment of those bones while horizontal.) I sleep on my stomach, contorted with one arm above and one knee hiked up, in a sort of splay across the bed. (My ornery body couldn’t possibly fall asleep on my back in a straight line like other people, remember?) At one point I had shoulder pain so bad it was plaguing me day and night.

But cue the heavens parting and the angels singing in multi-part harmony… I have found my holy grail bed. I supports my spine and neck perfectly. It feels like sinking into a cloud, but a supportive cloud, not the kind you get lost into and feel like a waterbed has sucked you in and you can’t get up. And it isn’t even some top-of-the-line Stearns & Foster either.

My secret? The fattest foam topper you can get. By accident, my dad discovered this solution by buying one for himself from Costco while visiting. I honestly don’t even know what the brand was, but I say the bigger the better. I think I have 3” on my bed, but what the heck — go for 4”. 

The other miracle here is the water gel pillow I got a little over a year ago while traveling and having excruciating shoulder pain, exacerbated by carrying heavy bags cross-country and then a rather hard bed to sleep in upon arrival. So I marched into one of those sleep stores where they wheel up a cart and let you sample pillows on a bed, resting in the real position you sleep in, to assess what feels best for you. I walked out with this expensive gem, which of course traveled back with me and has been the biggest life-saver for neck and shoulder kinks. It’s some sort of Italian water gel business, and worth every penny.

The Garments

There’s a lot of horrific stuff out there to wear to bed, if you ask me: flannel (sticks to the damn sheets), things with phrases printed on them, or cloying patterns with ducks or ditsy florals or dots. Somehow I’m stuck with a vibe that’s either granny, Clarissa Explains It All goes for a sleepover, or Pussycat Doll. Is it too much to ask that sleepwear feel clean, chic, and somewhere between relaxed and sexy?

For much of the year in Southern California, I am a fan of a (simple, chic) shorts set. I like these in neutral or soft colors, preferably made of super soft modal, and with some small lace or trim detailing to give it a little zhoosh.

This set, in pale watery blue, is short but with a button-down, menswear-style, long sleeve top. Good for cooler nights, piped in white, comfy as anything, simple and chic. The pale grey, long sleeve and long pants version of this, here, is perfect for winter nights or trips to the Lake Arrowhead mountains.

The rest of the year, I live in the tank and shorts sets. This one, in blush or watery blue, has beautiful lace detailing that makes it look like the fancy negligee version of shorts and a tank, except rendered in a soft modal-blend fabric. The inexpensive alternative I’m digging is this simple knit white or black matching tank and boy shorts, also in modal, with button detailing on both, or this teal rayon tank and shorts with a little hint of lace. 

Then of course, there’s the matter of one’s feet. I have a huge pet peeve about dirty feet (see above), in or out of the bed. So slippers are a must for me, because I don’t want any crumbs of dirt sticking to my soles. However… the bane of my existence is the utter lack of slipper options in the world. How is it possible there are so few (read: no) good slippers? I don’t want shearling (for ethical as well as washable reasons), and my only options then are granny, breadboxes, sock things, or emoji puffs. I would like a scuff, one that is chic, sleek, and simple and can be washed. Because this doesn’t exist, I find I am again forced to contemplate starting my own small accessories line to rectify the problem. In the meantime, I order this plain black situation, which isn’t lovely, but it isn’t awful either. 

Oh, and if you’re looking to delight me with an intimate gift on my next birthday, holiday, or random day of the week, perhaps this long swath of silk the color of my eyes might do nicely? 

The Accessories

I arm myself with a few essentials to aid in easy drifting, in lieu of lullabies, sheep, or the sandy soft shoe of Fred Astaire one floor above me.

My all-time favorite here is this essential oil blend, which I literally take everywhere and dot onto a tissue to tuck into my pillow. It’s an Ayurvedic blend that includes lavender, marjoram, sweet orange, holy basil, chamomile, and jasmine, and it was also once dubbed “chloroform” for its soporific effects. Additionally, you can drink the tea version before bed too, to compound the knock-out.

I always moisturize my lips before bed (I mean, duh, of course I’m always kissable in my dreams), and I like a good natural lip balm with a nice feel and non-synthetic scent. Right now I’m enjoying Follain’s, which has chamomile in it that I find extra calming.

So, as you may have heard or already been duly chastised about by Arianna Huffington, keeping your phone by your bed is a big no-no. Do you know how helpless we are to reach for those things when they are at our fingertips? So don’t use it for your alarm, and you won’t look at email before bed, or Instagram first thing in the morning before your brain has woken up or your eyes have gotten any natural sunlight. I charge mine across the room, and that’s proven enough distance to break the bad habit. Instead, get yourself an old-fashioned, analog clock to tell time, with no glowing numbers and no ticking.

If winter’s starting to descend on wherever you live (I’m sorry), then make like I did for years in Boston with a microwaveable beanbag (or several). The best thing ever for alleviating cold sheets and cold toes.

Perhaps my favorite sleep aid of choice now, and one I even travel with, is my Lectrofan white noise machine. For someone who wakes at even small sounds and has trouble falling asleep with any noise at all, this has been a godsend. This particular one has proved a reliable favorite and is even compact enough to travel with, as long as you don’t mind winding up the cord too. 

It’s not just that sleep is important. Sleep should be sacred, something that is prioritized and revered and celebrated. I believe in the sanctity of rest. I believe in high-quality, crisp, white sheets, and waking up to sunlight streaming in. I believe in no TV in the bedroom. I believe in feeling cocooned and cozy in your bed. I believe your bed and bedroom and bedtime rituals should be a pleasure. Let’s treat our bodies like the precious things they are, and put as much attention and effort into rest as into our activity.

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